The What, Why and How of Vulnerable Leadership

Researcher, speaker, New York Times bestseller Brené Brown is an expert on vulnerable leadership and the importance for us all to have courage, put ourselves out there and show more emotion. She – and others I’ll mention throughout this article write and speak about how vulnerability and building a culture of creativity, trust, and collaboration is important for organizations, leaders and of course employees to be successful and engaged.

Let’s start this discussion by exploring what vulnerability is. Vulnerability may look different for each of us. It depends on our personalities, our upbringing, our experiences and so much more. For some, vulnerability can mean fearing not always having the answers. It can mean searching for the courage to ask others for help. We can also feel vulnerable when we [should] say, “I was wrong” or “I made a mistake.” And I bet all of us have felt vulnerable when we’ve entered a room and discovered we don’t know anyone and/or don’t see anyone who looks like us.

So yes, there are many ways to feel vulnerable. At this point, as a leader you may be thinking, “If you want to see vulnerable – ask me to add this to my plate. How can I possibly find time in my already far too long To Do list to add one more thing – especially the idea of vulnerability?” And yet you still want to be the best leader you can be for yourself and your team. This is what makes you a terrific leader, even if you don’t [yet] have a formal position as a leader. So, what I suggest is that as you take a few minutes to read this article, ask yourself, “Is there one small step I can take?” And as you do this I invite you to think of vulnerability from a position leadership strength, not a weakness; an example of positivity and opportunity.

Now that we have a shared the idea to see vulnerability as a strength, let me outline two more important areas we will explore in the next few minutes:

1. The positive attributes of vulnerability.

2. How to build a culture that is safe and where everyone can be vulnerable.

The power of vulnerability in leadership. How great leaders see vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness.

You and I both know that leaders don’t have all the answers.

Success in today’s high tech, fast paced economy requires creativity and innovation at all levels of the organization. It also requires alignment across the team on our shared vision, mission and values (which I recommend be fine-tuned every year). For creativity and innovation to exist, every team and every company must work together towards creating a culture where people feel welcome to be themselves and show their emotions to their team, coworkers, clients, and suppliers. This doesn’t happen by accident.

When we believe we can be authentic at work, we are able to help build inspired solutions that will make us all proud and successful. The best leaders aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. Leaders who see vulnerability as a strength are able to build teams who are willing to dare greatly as Brené Brown might say. By embracing vulnerability, leaders create an environment that nurtures trust, opens channels of communication and listens to new ideas – from everyone. This is where a leader’s real strength can flourish as they help others collaborate and share their expertise.

In contrast, when leaders try to be all knowing and all-powerful they are not protecting themselves. Instead, they are putting their longer-term success at risk as well as the future success of their team.

How to build a culture that is safe and where everyone can be vulnerable?

From Brené Brown to perhaps the leading expert on Emotional Intelligence Dr. Daniel Goleman, to motivational speaker and author Simon Sinek to Canadian author focused on transformational leadership, social collaboration, and communication Celine Schillinger, they all agree great leaders create an environment of respect, safety, and curiosity that teams trust.

The power of vulnerability in leadership cannot be overstated. And while this all sounds amazing, you and I have years of pre-programing within our communities / cultures that has told us that vulnerability means weakness. It will take effort for you to unlearn some of our less helpful biases and past lessons and decide to forge a new path that sees vulnerability and showing emotion as strengths and opportunities. It’s time to embrace new ideas and new voices that will create relevant, timely and collaborative solutions that also help us feel engaged and proud.

To build a culture where everyone can be vulnerable, everyone on the team must be certain they are allowed to be creative and to start sentences with the words, “What if we were to…” as they begin to share inspired, improvised, half-baked ideas. Here are a few examples how you can start building a culture of trust.

1. Get to know each other.  You don’t have to become best friends, but start seeing people as more than a j.o.b. Explore what you have in common. Do you have pets, a summer cottage, traveled through Greece? Knowing someone is a good way [not a guaranteed way] to begin trusting someone.

2. Set an example when you are not doing well… when you are struggling. For example, if you are exhausted, frustrated or stressed, it’s fair to send someone else to a meeting on your behalf because you need some down-time. Delegating has the bonus of letting that person know you trust their ability to stand-in for you. Another example is asking for help if you are struggling with a task. In this example you are proving that asking for help is not only OK, but expected. And the bonus here is that it may give a junior employee a feeling of pride to be able to mentor you.

3. If you see someone else feeling vulnerable or attacked, help them! They may not feel they can stand up for themselves so do it for them. This demonstrates you are paying attention and that you care. And the people who see you do this will know it is OK to stand up for someone else as well.

4. Always stand up for the organizational values. As I shared earlier, your organizational values must be respected by all. And everyone in leadership positions must set the example. If leaders ignore shared values, they are telling others it’s OK for them to ignore them as well and that this jeopardizes team alignment, efficiencies and so much more – including perhaps the importance of building / honoring respect and trust.

“Leadership is not about being in charge. It's about taking care of those in your charge.” Simon Sinek

And while leaders must set the intention, it is all of our responsibility to build a trusting, vulnerable, safe workspace. The following are guideline examples for you to consider and expand upon:

1. Cultivate openness where everyone knows that when they share ideas, observations and opinions that they will be heard and valued.

2. Know that it’s unacceptable to not listen to others (and to learn).

3. Never joke, tease or gossip about someone elses expense. Everyone must know there is no risk of being made to feel stupid or embarrassed.

4. Acknowledge that leaders likely have insight into broader goals and have greater decision-making responsibility and therefore may make decisions we don’t fully understand or agree to… but must support.

5. Know our worth is not placed on whether our ideas are accepted.

6. Know that we all make mistakes, and we will use them as an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity to judge, accuse or demonize us.

7. Know that while we share our ideas, we must also know they may not be fully adopted but may spark other ideas.

8. Agree that if we have an idea or suggestion that is out of scope of the immediate topic under discussion that it might be best to arrange a smaller one-on-one meeting with our leader or one of our co-workers and start a discussion there. Staying on-topic during a meeting is also important.

All this to say, you can achieve honest, respectful relationships with your whole team when you agree to how you will treat each other. When team members can be vulnerable with each other, creativity and innovation are enhanced,.

Share Without Oversharing

Privacy and boundaries still exists in a vulnerable culture.

Questions many leaders ask themselves when practicing vulnerability is, “How do I embrace vulnerability without overdoing it and oversharing to the point of making someone uncomfortable — regardless of any positive intentions?”

A team that fully embraces vulnerability must also have an open discussion and shared agreement / recognition that we are all individuals with our own sensitivities and personalities. We must respect that someone may feel uncomfortable or vulnerable even though we don’t. It’s also true that some things are private – not everything about us needs be shared at work. The vulnerability we share at work doesn’t have to be the same vulnerability we share with our family or partner.

My suggestion is that if you are concerned you are oversharing or if you are worried your idea may trigger a sensitivity for someone on your team, this may be the perfect time to share the idea in a closed, one-on-one meeting with your superior. And if you are a leader who has already navigated this, I thank you for having your empathy and edit features turned on. Well done!

One last thing before I close. If you are wondering, “What if Bruce hasn’t done the task he said he would or is not being a team player. Shouldn’t I bring that forward?” To this, I say absolutely – but is that about creativity and a new idea or is that about Bruce putting the team and project in jeopardy? To me it sounds like the latter which suggests it is a conversation you should bring up with your leader or one of your co-workers in a private meeting – Bruce should not be made to feel vulnerable in that situation. Remember, for vulnerability to become a positive in your team it must be supported by trust and respect.

Conclusion

It is time for vulnerability to be part of our workplace culture; to show our emotions to our team and coworkers, our clients and suppliers. In recent years vulnerability for leaders and their teammates of all genders and generations has grown to become culturally acceptable, welcomed and even encouraged. Millennials and Gen Z especially are more comfortable asking for time to manage caregiver and mental health concerns. And lets face it, Millennials and Gen Z are now the dominant populations in our workforce.

If you’ve studied ‘Courageous Leadership’ and have been thinking of it as you read this article, that makes sense to me. Like courageous leadership, being a leader who begins developing a culture of vulnerability often starts with one or two small acts of courage. You can be certain that the best leaders aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. As you evolve down this path, and I imagine from time to time feel outside your comfort zone, I do hope you take pride in the steps you take, how you’ve evolved – grown during the process and how you now know you’ve have supported courageous leadership in your own way.

“Daring leaders work to make sure people can be themselves and feel a sense of belonging.” Brené Brown

When courageous leaders begin to demonstrate vulnerability and trust in their team, something truly special happens. I invite you to build a culture of collaboration, creativity and high employee engagement. 

Leadership is a journey, not a destination.

Thank you for spending time with me today and reading ‘The What, Why and How of Vulnerable Leadership’.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

• Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting proudly offers leadership training and professional development.

The Best Kind of Belonging

We all want to belong somewhere and to be part of something important. This is a good thing.

The challenge comes when we change how we act in order to fit in – seeking approval in a way that my dad would say is, “Going against our grain”. That never really works. Instead of belonging we are constantly making small changes / adjustments along the way to make sure we are behaving how we think we need to behave. We are always on guard, feeling stress and wondering when our charade will be discovered.

Yes, change is inevitable, change is even important. Growing and evolving is part of life; it’s exciting. But, being true to ourselves is also important. Being true to ourselves and growing / evolving is different than changing who we ‘appear’ to be in order to fit in. Growing is about getting bigger, exploring, finding new parts of ourselves and making parts we already know of even better. Fitting in is about getting smaller and ignoring parts of us that are important to our true nature. As Author Roy T Bennett said, “It’s only after you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow and transform.”

Because belonging means we have to first be true to ourselves, belonging means that sometimes we have to stand alone. The beauty is that when we get to know ourselves we also get to decide… to choose when we don’t fit in. We can be comfortable standing alone because we know why we are standing alone. Knowing why is an incredibly important part of understanding; it gives clarity, focus and strength. In this case, standing alone is a demonstration of confidence, not defiance or fear; we are not diminishing the value some one or some team by choosing to stand alone. Quite the opposite should be true. While we choose to stand alone or go in another direction we must keep the communication channels open with others, we owe that respect to ourselves and to others.

In our personal lives, the concept of belonging often starts the moment we meet someone. We know quickly if we feel we have anything in common – often because we intuitively pick up on key markers like other peoples values, integrity and ethical principles. If we don’t have anything in common, even the most superficial conversations can feel difficult and emotionally draining. Our response is that we let go of (or minimize) these relationships as quickly as we can.

In our professional lives, the same kind of emotional challenges we have in our personal lives happen, and those challenges make work easy and enjoyable or difficult and draining. And, when ‘difficult and draining’ happens, the overall energy, trust and loyalty of each person on the team begins to degrade. You know this – we’ve all experienced it when our values and ethical principles are not in-line with someone we work with.

The best kind of belonging is not something others give to us, it comes from within. True belonging is a gift to ourselves. When we belong 100 percent to ourselves, that is when we are able to belong to a tribe and know we can trust that bond… even if that tribe consists of only one other person. The kind of trust I call ‘Earned Trust’. For me, that is the best part of belonging because even though some people may think we are weird we can be comfortable being authentic. In addition, the people around us can always trust we will uphold our reputation and our values, and we will give our best, no matter how our relationship is defined.

As I mention above, deep trust lives within the best kind of belonging - the kind of trust that is earned over time, trust we can count on and trust that can count on us. To put a fine point on this, lets take a look at what I mean when I say earned trust.

• Earned Trust: Sharing something I value - putting it or me at risk (my reputation or career for example), because over time I have learned to believe that the thing I value… and me as an individual are safe with you and respected.

• Distrust: Keeping something I value private - guarding it (my experience, connections or creativity for example), because I don't believe the thing I value… and me as an individual are safe with you or respected.

Thank you for reading The Best Kind of Belonging. I look forward to your thoughts, comments, stories.

NOTE: Because hiring the right people is so important as part of my leadership series I teach Behaviour Event Interview best practices.

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

The Importance of Empathy at Work

Empathy, trust, being supportive and having perspective are four attributes great leaders have. As Simon Sinek said in his keynote at the Live2Lead event in 2016, “Great leadership is not about being in charge, it’s about taking care of the people in their charge. Great leaders go through a transition from being responsible for the job and become responsible for the people who are responsible for the job.” Sinek continues, “One problem is we are suffering from business theories left over from the 80’s, one being the concept of shareholder supremacy.” Shareholder supremacy is when leaders are focused on meeting the quarterly and annual revenue targets and not on building a caring, trusting, supportive environment where employees are proud, can do their best work and are loyal. As Sinek says, “Shareholder supremacy is a theory that is bad for people and bad for business.” When leaders only focus on shareholder value and their primary goal, they lose focus on “taking care of the people in their charge” says Sinek.

Today great leaders build a company that has the support of their employees and their customers as their primary goal by building an environment based on empathy, trust and shared perspective. Great leaders and great companies help each member of their team embrace purpose while also aligning business goals with individual goals. When employees business goals are supported, great things happen; creativity is high, productivity is high, solutions are responsive and appropriate, clients and suppliers are happy, brand reputation goes up, costs and expenses go down, turnover goes down.

What Exactly Is Empathy?

Empathy is being present with our self and with other people. A common description is that it is about being able to put yourself in the other persons shoes; to imagine what emotion they are experiencing and what it is like for them. Empathy is an acknowledgement (not agreement) of the other person and what they may be feeling / needing / believing. In times of creativity or disagreement empathetic people listen to what other people are saying, feeling and needing without judgement and without trying to influence what the other people are feeling, believing or needing.

Empathy is an interpersonal skill, a soft skill that is part of a person’s Emotional Intelligence (EI) or Emotional Quotient (EQ) (same thing, different name). In a professional setting, great leaders know that what will work for person A will be different than what will work for person B. Great leaders use skills like active listening and empathy to learn about each person in their charge so they can build trust and find that important balance between individual needs and company needs. In other words, a balance between empathy, trust and perspective. 

Many people incorrectly think empathy is about being nice and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is far more than that. As George Bernard Shaw said, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes. It is about being patient, respectful, thoughtful and trustworthy.

There are three types of empathy 1) Cognitive Empathy (a desire to understand), 2) Emotional Empathy (a desire to feel), 3) Compassionate Empathy, (a desire to help). For now, let’s focus only on Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy:

• Emotional Empathy – unconscious empathy. Empathy that evokes behaviours we have learned (often as children), and that are natural / instinctive for us. They demonstrate as second nature to us and likely considered one of our personal values.

• Cognitive Empathy – empathy we deliberately turn on and turn off when we feel the need.

To be high on the EI / IQ scale, we use both. To really be ‘ON’ and with someone we have to choose to add Cognitive empathy to our situation to further support emotional empathy.

Empathy should not be confused with Mindfulness, but they are related, like cousins. Mindfulness is about “Paying attention, on purpose, without judgement”, Jon Kabat-Zinn. In contrast, Dr. Leslie S Greenberg shares a formal definition of empathy (which he calls empathic attunement) in his latest book called Changing Emotion with Emotion. Greenburg writes, “Empathic attunement to affect involves a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of another’s inner world, knowing their rhythm, feeling and experiencing by metaphorically being in their skin.”

Why is Empathy at Work Important?

People are attracted to people and to places that respect them and make them feel respected and safe.

When we are treated poorly and we don’t feel others trust us, it is unlikely we will trust the other person or people; we will protect our vulnerability. Both in a personal and professional setting, if you don’t trust someone else, it is unlikely you would be able to say, “I screwed up, I made a mistake, I don’t agree, or I am worried.” Another way common way many of us protect our vulnerability is to hold back on our creativity and new ideas. Instead, everyone plays it safe – hides and protects themselves.

When we demonstrate empathy, the other person / persons recognize we are showing them attention which is a validating feeling that they matter. When we feel we matter and also feel safe and respected and trusted, we can continue to have a supportive, productive relationship and work together even when we disagree; this is where we will be willingly open to find a compromise.

On an individual level, being an empathetic person (demonstrating empathy) can also make you and me happier. In an experiment, Daniel Goleman, a leader in EI walked through New York for 50 blocks. As he passed people… stressed out New Yorkers… he offered a positive greeting, sending out love and kindness. As it says in his Washington post article the result of this experiment is that he felt joy, a calming, pleasing, intrinsic reward he gave himself.

Conclusion

Empathy plays a significant role in getting the best from the people in our charge. A helpful mindset is to think, ‘how do I help my people be their best’ vs ‘how do I get the most out of my people’. The difference is subtle, but it is important.

I have one suggestion as you may explore your own relationship with empathy. Have people you let your guard down with and who you can be yourself; be able to give and receive empathy. It is always important for us to be able to freely connect with our emotions and to practice connecting with others around us. The alternative is that we can fall out of practice, especially if we live and/or work in a space that has little to no empathy. And in those cases where empathy is limited, do your very best to not close yourself off or begin reflecting the same unhealthy communication and emotional intelligence as those around you.

Thank you for reading about the importance of empathy at work… and everywhere else.

You may also be interested in reading my post, ‘How to Practice Empathy at Work’.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• How to Practice Empathy at Work

• 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Build A Supportive Company Culture

A supportive company culture is a living a breathing, dynamic space. It is an environment where support for people and their ideas ebb and flow between leaders, employees, suppliers, clients, their communities and more.

A healthy, supportive corporate culture is a symbiotic relationship centred around the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision. Everyone from the most junior employee to the most senior has a responsibility to support the company culture, it is not a responsibility for only the leadership team or the responsibility of HR or the social committee.

Venice Italy

The following are opportunities for companies, leaders and employees to build together and add to a supportive company culture. These are all great opportunities but it would be near impossible to develop a complete list. It is likely there are some unique opportunities for your business. For example, imagine that if you are in the entertainment business what you might be able to do around a special performance or with a costumed event. If you are in the technology business what might you be able to do with a custom app or remote team solutions. Bring your teams together to brainstorm ideas.

I encourage you to consider what you can do to integrate or strengthen the opportunities within this article. I also encourage you to celebrate and share with your friends, family and like minded professionals what you and/or your company does that is not included within these lists.

Company Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

Supportive corporate cultures are respectful of everyone. Companies realize that employees want to be proud of where they work. Employees are also eager to help the company be the best it can be… until they feel disrespected or used. To help employees do their best work and be the best individual they can be, supportive companies don’t only take, they give back to employees, helping them be their best and be proud of what they do and the company they work for.

Companies that add to a supportive company culture:

• Strive to be sure employees feel:

  • Valued

  • Appreciated

  • Trusted

  • Involved

  • Empowered

• Encourage employees to ask questions.

• Take opportunities to let employees know they contribute and that their work is important.

• Help employees feel a level of control and autonomy.

• Provide employees opportunities to better themselves.

• Empower employees to work when they are at their best.

• Provide opportunity for employees to be:

  • Mentored

  • Challenged

  • Promoted

  • Encouraged to enjoy interests outside of work

• Let employees grow at their own pace.

• Are a good corporate citizen.

• Offer employees fair wages with respectful benefits.

Leadership Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

While it is everyone’s responsibility to build and support the company culture, leaders do play an important role in what happens throughout the company and/or within their team. Great leaders don’t wait – they know that even within their own team they can make a difference and create a fantastic, trusting and respective corporate culture where employees on their team are happy, creative, productive and loyal.

So, what can a leader do within their company and/or team to develop a supportive corporate culture?

• Explore openly with their team how every decision and/or action supports (or does not support) the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision.

• Be approachable.

• Practice empathy.

• Be crystal clear with expectations.

• Celebrate great work.

• Recognize and celebrate when employees make decisions or take actions that are inline with the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision.

• Agree that no question is a bad question. Better people ask for clarification than do something unexpected eh?

• Demonstrate trust by giving employees the opportunity to figure things out for themselves. Opportunity often develops a greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence in the employees (or teams) and makes their work important to them. 

• Listen. Leaders demonstrate they value suggestions from employees and suppliers as much as they do from other leaders.

• Provide employees and teams the autonomy and decision-making ability they need to be accountable. Great leaders help employees and teams be responsible and accountable for their work. Accountability develops greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence in the employees (or teams) work in similar ways that opportunity does. Accountability will help employees grow and be better at their work in the future. Remember, leaders do not make every decision; they trust employees who are experts and/or closer to the work.

• Reward when others are accountable. Celebrate accountability. Turn it into a positive team building and / or learning experience.

• Encourage and praise employees who collaborate well with others. This doesn’t mean only reward extraverts; introverts are often some of the best collaborators.  

• Take on-boarding new employees seriously, help them learn the language, the culture and the organization. Consider setting new employees up with internal mentors for a short time.

• Help the company and team be a good corporate citizen.

• Respect our environment.

Employee Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

During my career I have had some great bosses – I’ve also had one really bad boss. He created a terrible team culture within a more or less very good corporate culture. Thankfully, there were a few of us on the team who baneded together to support eachother and to find ways to do the best work we could do within the perfect storm our leader created every day.

Ways in which employees can add to a supportive company (or team) culture include:

• Know what the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision are. Try to use those as goal posts for the decisions they make.

• Demonstrate they recognize everyone has a voice and their ideas are valued.

• Always enjoy a good laugh, but never at someone else’s expense. Mutual respect is critical. Toxic workplaces cause psychological and physical stress. This engages peoples natural instinct to protect themselves, to not share creative ideas, decreases motivation, increases absenteeism and eventually turnover.

• When you are wrong or make an error, admit it quickly, help find a solution and move on. Being accountable shows respect for yourself and your colleagues. A culture of accountability also develops trust.

• When someone else is wrong or makes an error, offer to help find a solution and move on. Ask if your support to find ways to minimize / correct the damage would be helpful, don’t push your way in.

• When someone else has a better idea, give them credit. If appropriate, help them / the team develop it further. Be an example of integrity, honour and respect of other people and ideas.

• Be respectful with your language.

• Help the company and team be a good corporate citizen.

• Respect our environment. 

Conclusion

When our workspace creates a space where employees feel comfortable being themselves. When we have a great corporate culture, employees trust each other and can be their true authentic self. When we trust and respect each other we share good ideas, crazy ideas and we look out for each other. This is the best environment for growth, hard work and change while still maintaining a low stress environment. This creates one of the best places to work where productivity and loyalty are high while conflict and turnover are low.

Negative cultural issues can have long-standing effects on your workforce’s wellbeing and performance. Leaders who do not realize this are setting up the company, the employees and suppliers and of course themselves for failure.

BONUS:

Two deeper dives into how companies and leaders can build great a great corporate culture.

1.    Build a solid employment brand. It starts with understanding what makes your organization unique. Once you have it, promote it; find every opportunity to talk about the company brand. Write articles, post employee survey results, sit on panel discussions, talk with reporters in addition to the more common approach of building a great career website and distributing job openings in both typical and non-standard places. Make sure everyone knows yours is a great place to work.

If you’re a good employer, employees will want to work for you. Existing employee loyalty will go up and when you do need to hire new people you will be attracting talent that want to work for your company versus have to find a job.

Now is the time to be further developing your corporate culture because you can bet your competition is.

2.    Consider sabbaticals or approved / arranged boomerangs. We all know what a sabbatical is but a boomerang in office terms is when employee leaves a company and then returns to work for the company at some later date. Imagine offering an agreed upon leave of absence like sabbaticals and boomerangs to employees who meet or exceed expectations to achieve a personal goal or gain new skills.

Sabbaticals and boomerangs don’t have to be for a year. Why not let them be can be as flexible as required, and perhaps you can still arrange employees spend some time in the office so you don’t lose all productivity. For example, imagine giving a strong employee who meets expectations a 3-month sabbatical where they work 1 or 2-days a week and use the extra time to take a few high-intensity courses or earn a professional certificate to help them further their career. Or, imagine letting an employee take a 2-month boomerang to take their dream vacation.

Offering flexible options will provide a clear example to all employees that you trust and value them. And, when you have an employee who has returned from a sabbatical or boomerang they will have a fresh perspective and likely be more valuable and hard-working than ever. If nothing more, they will be more loyal and you will save a ton of time, money and intellectual knowledge versus the high cost of turnover and hiring new employees. Think about it, can you advertise for, interview, hire and train a new employee in 2-months… or even 6-months? Usually no. We see time and time again when a valued employee sees no other way to get ahead than to quit… or worse, they stay and feel resentful and not appreciated.

Thank you for reading this article, please be well. Happy communicating and happy leading.

Bruce

An other article you might like.

Read How to Prepare for a Job Interview Level 1

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Attention On Results: Teamwork In The Workplace

To have great teamwork in the workplace where attention is on results, everyone has to trust their leader and each other. With trust, team members feel safe challenging each other (including the ‘leader’), and even disagreeing and challenging each other as they respectfully share each other’s expertise. Working together, individuals will commit to clearly defined goals and measurements of success. In addition, the trust and commitment team members built will allow them to hold each other accountable.

Trust is a wonderful and imperative foundation. Read more about how to build trust at work.

I have to confess, the first time I considered the need to elaborate on the idea of ‘Attention on Results’; this final tier of Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, I thought it oddly unnecessary. I thought that if a team was able to accomplish the previous four tiers, why would they have inattention to results. But after further investigation and a look into my past years in corporate banking, I saw it does deserve a dedicated discussion… so here is my take on it.

How Attention On Results Works:

When the whole team is focused on achieving the same goal, team members will feel an energy as they work together and support each other and the project. With this harmony, it’s unlikely to hear statements like “That was Richards job – not mine”, “It’s not my fault” or “Richard isn’t pulling his weight”. Instead, in high-functioning teams, team members support each other and it’s more likely to hear, “How can I help?” or “How can we combine effort to make it more effective?” or “I may have an answer to your problem / set-back”.

Without a shared commitment to the final goal a few things often happen. One of the most frequent is that people like Richard will care more for what makes him look good and put his individual goals and ambitions ahead of the shared goals and the needs of the many. Richard may even focus on an unrelated goal he can take individual credit for, while making hollow gestures of support for the shared strategic goal and attacking / blaming others for the lack of progress. In this case, Richard’s inattention to results pulls the whole team down and puts success at risk.

Alternatively, successful teamwork in the workplace means teammates are committed to the shared strategic goal and watch out for each other. For example, when ‘Bob’ falls behind his sales goals, all salespeople will do their best to exceed their goals to meet the company-wide goal. Or, if the Widget A design team is experiencing a set-back, they trust they can reach out to the Widget B and C teams to collaborate to find a solution. Successful teamwork in the workplace happens when individuals don’t treat themselves as islands, they stay focussed on the big picture. As the Three Musketeers said, “All for one and one for all.”

Individual Work Still Matters:

Attention on results doesn’t mean that individual success doesn’t matter. Shared goals do need everyone to work at their best and achieve their own personal and professional goals.

Interestingly, for those who worry their individual work still matters and that it may not be recognized, in reality individual commitment and excellence may get all team members even more attention and recognition. Consider that working within a high-functioning team on a highly successful project, it’s nearly guaranteed each teammate will:

• Get attention (and bragging rights) because they worked on a highly successful project.

• Gain valuable experience in areas they would not usually get exposure to as they collaborate and discuss solutions.

• Gain a reputation for being excellent at their work.

• Develop a reputation of being a great team player.

• Because of their team experience they will have a whole network of people who respect them and, in time when that network is looking for great new talent and a referral, they will have their own personal cheerleading section.

What’s Necessary To Have Attention On Results:

I’ve shared previously in this article and others that the only way to have attention on results is for a team to hold themselves and each other accountable and trust each other enough to freely share their individual expertise and experience.

There are many other things a great team leader can do to build this type of commitment. For example, 

1. Keep a focus on the organization values. Every decision should reflect back onto the organization values and by doing that, the values will provide a clear guide on what decisions need to be made.

2. Once a shared goal is defined and committed to, I recommend creating a team contract; a 1-page overview of the goal, each teams’ or individuals’ responsibilities and how success will be measured. I also recommend this contract include a companywide and project vision statement and mission statement.

3. Expectations have to be shared, clear, understood and achievable. In addition, it has to be clear how each team member’s results roll up into the team or departments results and how the departments results roll up into the company’s results. Our commitment to results always matters because our work and results must support the level above us.

4. Leaders and team members should reward only behaviors and actions that contribute to shared results

5. Commit to frequent meetings everyone agrees (in advance) to attend. Schedule these meetings weeks and/or months (as necessary), ahead to ensure availability. Keep these meetings as short (under 1-hour if possible) and during these meeting have everyone share their commitments and the status of their delivery on their goals. I recommend a status code of each project as Green, Yellow and Red to help make the status easily identifiable. I’ll repeat, these meetings have to be a place of trust and respect where people can bring challenges and not be ridiculed.

6. Each member knows they are going to be held accountable for their commitment and to support the team through the journey through crisis and unavoidable tasks that could not have been identified at the beginning of the project.

If you are going to have accountability, then you have to also keep your focus on results.

Inattention to Results Conclusion:

A team that is focused on team results will retain good staff, make sacrifices for the good of the team and they will enjoy credit for their team – and then for themselves through the teams success.

Great leaders help every team member feel safe and free to respectfully challenge each other (including the ‘leader’), disagree and perhaps even argue as they share each other’s expertise. Only then, when everyone is working together and holding each other accountable will the project - and each individual thrive.

And that is how you can have attention on results and teamwork in the workplace.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy your comments / suggestions.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Build Employee Commitment

Employee commitment is one of the most important qualities leaders can cultivate with their team; it is a powerful asset - a multiplier of productivity, creativity and loyalty. The beauty is that people like you and me like to commit; committing makes us feel part of something important. But we will not commit if we feel we are being neglected, taken advantage of, abused, excluded, under-appreciated or lied to (I’m sure you can think of others to add to this list).

What Do I Mean By Commitment?

Commitment is built when people add their voice to a conversation or brainstorming meeting and their voice is respected and considered. Even if their idea didn’t make it into the final decision, because their voice was respected and valued during the process, they begin to fully invest in the decision the team made. This is an example of a strong corporate culture and how trust and healthy conflict lead to building employee commitment at work.

Studies prove there is a direct and measurable link between commitment and employee performance factors like transparency, creativity, productivity, work quality and turnover. For example, when employee commitment is high, turnover is almost always low while transparency, creativity, productivity and quality of work are high. When employee commitment is low, turnover is almost always high while most other measurement criteria are low.

Not surprising, without commitment the success of every project is in jeopardy. Because commitment is critical to success, it is important leaders cultivate commitment and know how to inspire the employees they support. Traditionally, companies focused on job security and money as primary motivators. While that approach may have been great in the 1950’s, it is not a great option with today’s four-generations of highly educated, multicultural employees working within a fast-paced global economy.

Diving Deeper Into How To Build Commitment

Let’s not even bother discussing the myth of job security in today’s economy. And, even though getting paid a fair wage is important, money is no longer a good motivator. Money and the hope of a raise 12 months from now have a poor track record at inspiring most people to do more than what is required to get a ‘meets expectations’ at their next annual review. Even bonuses quickly become expected and turn into what is called a ‘hygiene motivator’ (without it you would not be able to attract new employees and current employees would stop showing up). If you don’t agree, try eliminating bonuses and just watch your employee turnover increase exponentially while performance and employee morale drop like a stone. But all hope of building commitment is not lost, there are far more effective (and virtually free) motivators known as intrinsic motivators.

I introduce the top 10 motivators in my Leadership Training courses, but for the purpose of this article let me share the following top five intrinsic motivators that brilliantly build commitment and workplace excellence:

1. Being respected and valued at work

2. Doing interesting and challenging work

3. Professional development / opportunities

4. Achieving something / doing something important

5. Being given greater responsibility

Take a moment to let it sink in that ‘being respected and valued at work’ is frequently rated the #1 motivator to help build employee commitment. This is no surprise because everyone, no matter what work they do or how long they’ve been working want to be respected and valued. You know this is true because I am certain this is one of your key motivators.

Being respected and valued also ties into a basic human need to be ‘seen’ and ‘included’, to have our voices heard. It is our inborn and intrinsic desire to matter; we all want to make a difference. When you think of it, being respected and valued fits perfectly into any organizations plan to improve diversity and inclusion (D&I). Because intrinsic motivators are so important, let’s look at how both leaders and employees can use them to drive personal and professional success:

• As a leader I believe one of our most important jobs is to learn - to be curious about which intrinsic motivators inspire each member of our team. Remember, people are individuals and everyone will be motivated by different things at different intensities. One person may be motivated by doing interesting and challenging work while another is motivated by professional development / opportunities.

• As an employee I believe one of our most important jobs is to determine which motivators are most important to us and to then share that information with our leader; help our leader (and frankly other members of our team), inspire us. For example, perhaps you want greater responsibility and professional development opportunities because you want your career to grow. If this is you then make sure your leader knows and doesn’t have to guess at what your future ambitions are and how to help you / motivate you because they may think you are content with your position and therefore doing interesting and challenging work will keep you inspired and committed to excellence.

Live The Company Values:

As important as motivation is to cultivate commitment, leaders must also demonstrate integrity. One of the easiest ways I've found to do that is to live the company values. Two of the most important values I’ve discussed in previous articles that demonstrate how a leader can build commitment are:

• To trust and be trustworthy (to be dependable)

• Show respect (by giving everyone the opportunity to share ideas)

I believe these values (which are part of almost every organizations core value set), have a symbiotic relationship; you either have both or you have neither. For example, if an employee doesn’t trust their leader they will never freely share their ideas.

When it comes to gaining employee commitment to a plan, the best way to do this is to have each person add their unique expertise, education and lived experience to the solution. Employees have to trust each other and their leader to be honest, transparent, and respectful. It means not ever feeling attacked or made fun of when we share our ideas or experience. It also means that if my boss needs to share constructive feedback with me, I am confident I will be respected and can trust their feedback comes from a place of making me, the team, the project and the company better. Note: That feedback should also be timely - delivered as soon as possible within a private conversation.

For me, one other element is needed to cultivate commitment within a team. I have always found it important to create a workspace culture that helps employees learn about each other and from each other. I believe this familiarity reinforces the idea that we all have something to say and something to learn. Many professionals recommend activities that help employees discover what they have in common. I like those - but I also like activities that help employees learn what is different / unique about each other. I believe this helps them understand each other’s unique contribution potential.

When a team knows they can trust their leader and each-other, that is when they will do their best work… and feel proud an energized at the same time.

Conclusion:

Building commitment at work isn’t always easy but it’s a priority of every successful leader that I know. A conscious decision to build employee commitment really does make a difference. I’ve seen mediocre teams transform into high-performing teams in months when they got a new leader… and I’ve seen high-performing teams unravel in weeks when they got a poor leader.

One last observation about commitment (I did not want to scare you above). Commitment has many layers (holding back a reference to the children’s movie Shrek). I believe there are four key places where individuals channel our commitment.

1. Commitment to ourselves and our work (and our family / friends)

2. Commitment to our leader 

3. Commitment to our team (or project teams)

4. Commitment to our company

For the purpose of this article, perhaps you don’t need to focus on these - what I’ve shared above might be the most important for now. But, do keep these four areas in the back of your mind. They may help explain behaviour as you see it unfold.

TRUST Bonus:

To build trust everyone has to understand what behaviour is appropriate and what is not appropriate…. and to be held accountable. For example, Alan Mulally (one of the most successful and celebrated leaders and former CEO of Boeing and Ford) has 11 Working Together Principles and Practices. Four of those are:

1. Everyone included

2. Clear performance goals

3. One plan

4. Respect, listen, help and appreciate each other

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about employee commitment at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Why Trust Matters and How To Build Trust At Work

A productive team trusts each other.

Building a successful team takes self-awareness and courage; it also takes empathy, listening and trust. 

Trust is when you can depend on something or someone… at least this is the definition I work with. Yes, this is a simple definition, but even so trust is often elusive… especially trust at work.

While doing research for this article I came across the following quote from D. Bowlby that stopped me cold because it's so amazingly relevant to a leader from my past I had to endure.

“If you do not trust your own judgments, actions, and decisions, you will question the motives of others."

Imagine the damage a leader can do to the morale and cohesion of a team when, instead of trusting recommendations as points for discussion, their own ego sees any and all recommendations as threats. In one particular instance I know of, the leader even went so far as to allege unsubstantiated workplace harassment and bullying against members of their senior team. This unfortunately is a real example that lead to months of stress, expense and long-term loss of income for the organization and the many people caught in the leaders loosely cast - ego driven net. Sadly, I am sure this scenario has played out many times in corporations and associations of all sizes.

There are many ways to destroy trust. For example, laughing at an idea or observation a fellow team member has is one of the most efficient ways to destroy trust… and show disrespect. Another is to cast aside recommendations using the age-old and exhausting excuse, “We tried that in the past and it didn’t work.” In my opinion, anyone who has lived through the last 12 months... never mind the last century should know nothing can be taken for granted, there are always lessons to be learned and whatever didn’t work yesterday might very well work today or in the future.

But enough of the negative; lets look at how to build trust on a team.

Patrick Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team and founder of the Table Group describes trust in two ways:

1. Predictive Trust

2. Vulnerability Based Trust

The following are my professional reflections of these two types of trust.

Predictive Trust is usually built over time – from experience. My interpretation of Predictive Trust is when I can count on (or predict) what you will say or do in a certain circumstance. For example: If my partner asks, “Do you want ice-cream?” he can trust I will say, “Yes please.”

Vulnerability Based Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” or “I am sorry” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked. Vulnerability Trust means you can be in a meeting and suggest a course of action or idea and you will not fear you may be laughed at or mocked. I believe Vulnerability Trust is more personal – more tender.

Based on the Difficult Conversations training I do with clients, I would say Vulnerability Trust is also where someone can say to me, “You messed up” “You are letting the team down” or “I can’t give you what you want” and I will stay open and keep listening because I trust the other person is sharing information in good faith and likely for my benefit, even if it’s difficult / disappointing for me to hear. Vulnerability Trust is where two people can discuss sensitive topics and even disagree, but stay present and keep doing their best work, moving forward to find solutions instead of assigning blame to setbacks and gaps. It’s when team members can stay in discussion / dialogue without being defensive or shutting down.

How To Develop Productive Trustworthy Teams

To develop productive teams Patrick Lencioni believes leaders must intentionally nurture vulnerability and I 100% agree. 

The following are two ways leaders can build trust within their team. Then, at the end of this article I quickly reference 11 more ways to create a safe, trusting workplace culture.

But before I go any further, I want to be perfectly clear that not all leaders have the title ‘leader’. In many big and small ways leadership responsibilities are often shared between co-workers depending on what is needed by the team and the project at that moment.

1. The quickest way to build vulnerability trust on a team is for the leader to demonstrate it. Otherwise, why would a team trust their leader if the leader never trusted or respected their team / team members? The best leaders quickly acknowledge when they need help and (equally importantly) their mistakes. Trusted leaders don't take control of every situation; they don't pretend they are all-knowing, and they don’t get ‘defensive’ when asked a question or given advice. Team members gain confidence when leaders are honest and respectful and demonstrate its ok to speak up when they have a question and/or an opinion. They start thinking things like “Since my leader is honest and up front with me, I can see it's OK for me to be honest and upfront with them,” and “There are things I can do and things I cannot do, the important thing is to ask each other for help.”

2. Another way for anyone to build vulnerability trust is to give credit to others. A trustworthy leader will not think twice before saying something like, “I know you have been working on this, and while I think you are doing well it’s a long journey and I do hope you stick with it,” or “I know bringing your concerns to me was not easy and I want to acknowledge that. I’m pleased we can be honest and open.”

Of course vulnerability trust also strengthens relationships between co-workers. The important thing to know is that this works… it really really works!

• I’ve worked with leaders who show disconnected individuals how to trust each other, turning them into highly productive and highly loyal teams who have a renewed loyalty to each other and the organization.

• I’ve seen great teams disintegrate when a great leader leaves and a weak leader replaces them. Recently leader I admire shared with me that in just over one year his previous team of 20 loyal, hard working professionals (who also found time to laugh with each other), experienced 100% turnover except for one person. Imagine! 

11 Ways To Create A Safe, Trusting Workplace Culture

Here are 11 ways leaders and teams create a safe, trusting work culture (yes, some of these mean we have to be vulnerable… but if we are not willing to be, it sends a signal that others cannot be either):

1. Eliminate disparaging talk and gossip. We have to all feel safe and that we are being open, honest, respectful and respected.

2. Be transparent and honest about goals, challenges, news. Share ‘What’ and ‘Why’.

3. Know your preferred work style and strengths and take time to understand and appreciate another's work styles and strengths. Myers Brigs and SuccessFinder are two great tools to use, learn from and share with your team.

4. Take time to learn about each other but don’t push if people want to be more private than you.

5. Share your successes and also share your failures - this gives others permission to make mistakes

6. Admit when you are wrong, make mistakes and readily apologize.

7. Acknowledge and celebrate the successes of others.

8. Listen to others and take their advice – help them be proud by giving them credit for their ideas and experience.

9. Be willing to learn from each other. Leaders especially need to demonstrate they don’t know it all and are willing to learn from their team.

10. Don’t make assumptions about people’s behaviour or actions – watch your conscious and unconscious biases especially concerning challenging news.

11. Don’t hold grudges – deal with situations, learn from them and move on – be an example.

While trust is the main topic of this blog post, you may also be interested in a blog I wrote last year called 5 Stages of Team Development.

It takes courage and bravery to build trust… especially vulnerability trust. There will be times you wish you didn’t, but as Brené Brown says, “If you choose courage, you will absolutely know disappointment, setback and even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage.” But I promise you, trusting yourself and others gives you a unique strength.

BONUS: Trust Helps When Hearing Bad News

We can begin to manage our defence triggers (fight & flight) when we know we are respected, supported and won’t be made a fool of. When we trust we learn to stay present and listen to unpleasant feedback or be part of decisions that, while they go against our personal or professional self-interest, we can still support because we know the decisions are made with honesty and in-line with the agreed upon goals.

Conclusion

While it is possible for great teams to form without a strong leader, the most productive, most loyal teams exist when a strong leader createsa safe, trusting, transparent workspace where team members feel they belong and are treated with dignity and respect. The beauty is, when you have trust you can have conflict. I don’t mean conflict like wars and fighting… I mean discussions, (perhaps even loud passionate discussions), but still discussions that show respect and appreciation.

To end, I want to leave you with this one thought. I wish I could remember where I read it and who to credit; I’m not even sure I am quoting it right, but here it goes, “You can’t trust when you have to sacrifice respectful honesty in order to protect and feed someone ego.” Please, don’t be the person with an ego that others have to protect.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about workplace culture, predictive trust and vulnerability trust.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

What Should We Do When We Feel A Lack Of Respect For Someone?

Respect is an interesting, complicated thing, and it’s not one size fits all. The point I want to make is that very often we see respect as an absolute. We get caught up in the idea that, “If you don’t respect my idea or my work then you don’t respect me,” and that really doesn’t have to be the case at all… as I described in the four examples below.

Examples: we can:

• Respect the person as a human, but not respect their authority or their suggestion or their idea.

• Respect the company, but not the person we are engaging with from the company.

• Respect how a person is trying to help us, but not the company.

• Respect a person’s authority, but not their goals or tactics they use to achieve those goals.

And I’m sure you and I could easily continue adding to this list of examples if we were brainstorming examples.

So what should we do when we feel a lack of respect for someone? 

The answer is both simple and complex. It’s so complex there are whole books written and specialists dedicated to only this topic. But let me give you a few steps to get the conversation moving in the right direction. This approach is often the starting point I use when I work with leaders to help them solve a respect challenge with their team or in their company.

Firstly, at the very least we should acknowledge we should be able to show a person respect as a human even if we don’t respect their achievements (or lack of), goals (or lack of), or values (or lack of).

Secondly, we should take a moment to consider where our feelings of respect and lack-of-respect are coming from. Looking inwardly to what we are feeling is always a good starting point in any and every situation including this one. What are we respecting and why (hopefully there is something)? What are we not respecting and why? Do we have an internal, learned bias that is getting in our own way? Might they have an internal, learned bias that is getting in their way?

This is a great exercise to go through (by yourself) for everyone in your inner circle. Take the time to point out what you do and don’t respect / appreciate / admire for those closest to you. It helps especially if find you are feeling negatively triggered by someone because it will help you control (be mindful of) your response.

Thirdly, is our lack of respect creating a barrier between us that is making the situation worse? It’s important to note that this is often the case. You know that when you feel negative energy from someone your own defences usually go up; which in turn often gets reflected back to them as negative energy from you. It is an unfortunate and vicious circle. It’s important to note at this point that whenever respect falters so does trust. When we don’t trust each other everything usually is much more difficult and take much longer. This in turn usually translates to being more expensive and less effective. 

Lastly, having reflected on what and why we are feeling as well as what biases we are (or they may be) feeling, how might we be able to build respect and trust within this situation? Generally, there are two areas we can work on and they are:

1. What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

2. What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Lets explore these two areas.

What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

Whether we are a leader of a team or an equal member of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, even if we are not feeling respect we can strive to build it with others. To build respect with one or more people we can all practice the following:

• Smile and say hello when we pass in the hall

• Listen mindfully / with all of our attention in a meeting or conversation

• Treat everyone equally 

• Encourage everyone to be their true, whole self and bring all of their experiences, education and perspective to every engagement 

• Be transparent with goals and tactics

• Give people credit for their ideas… and use other peoples ideas (it can’t be ‘my way or the highway’)

• Have a safe environment where people can make mistakes… and learn from those mistakes

• Imagine what it’s like to be in someone elses shoes (display empathy)

• Everyone can disagree and of course, still be civil and not feel threatened

 I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive.

The amazing thing is that people who feel respected are not only trusted and more creative, they are:

• 92% more focused

• 55% more engaged

• 61% more likely to embrace change

• 56% healthier (fewer sick days)

• Over 100% more loyal (far less turnover)

Simply put, there are no downsides to having respectful relationships. 

What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Again, whether we are a leader of a team or an equal part of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, how can we begin to build respectful, trusting relationships? The idea is to explore how to build relationships where everyone has an open, safe space where everyone can share ideas by not:

• Mocking someone – publicly or privately

• Teasing

• Telling offensive jokes

• Letting someone finish a sentence

• Taking credit for someone else’s work

• Texting in meetings

• Making inappropriate advances

• Putting up silos instead of being transparent

• Always saying ‘No’ when asked to do something 

As I said earlier, I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive. But even better, do this with someone else or with your team. Have this and keep this as an open dialogue where you have open and safe dialogues.

If you have a challenging situation and are working to make it better, give it time. Conversations will help and are a sign of a healthy environment. You won’t be perfect at first, and neither will other people. And I dare say you will always make mistakes along the way. The solution isn’t to be perfect, the solution is to be aware of your actions and humble enough that you are able to help others have the confidence to talk with you about challenges or feelings they are having so they can be worked on early.

As I said at the beginning, respect is a simple and yet complex thing. It never happens when there is an environment of secrecy and where people can’t speak freely. As respect begins to grow it is like a seed planted, it will require care and attention and it will grow - seemingly slowly at first but before you know it, you will have a healthy, wonderful space filled with respect… and trust.

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Why Listening Is Important… And How To Listen Well:

It takes effort and energy to listen well and pay attention to other people. Our minds naturally begin to interpret what other people are saying and apply it to our own experiences and knowledge. That ‘association’ is one of the ways you and I form memories and gain understanding. But we have to remember that a little goes a long way and that letting our mind play this association game is not always appropriate… especially if our existing memories hijack our attention.

When we try to listen to someone you and I often fall into one of two traps:

• As above, I begin associate your experience to a similar experience I’ve had, and so my mind interrupts your story and hijacks my attention.

• I’ve heard your experience before and believe I know what you are going to say or what you need. Because of this I interrupt you and stop you from telling your story. This is especially true if we are in any type of customer service type industry where we try to skip directly to the solution.

Of course both of these examples are bad. When we interrupt someone we almost always do more harm than good. If we don’t listen and our goal becomes to share our story or to prove how much experience we have, the other person may no longer trust us. This lack of trust could have a very serious negative impact. Instead, we have to do our best to set aside our own needs and our own experiences… and show that we are both listening and respecting them.

Here are some guidelines to follow when trying to learn to listen better:

1. Everyone you meet will know something you don’t know, consider this an exciting opportunity. Be patient and be curious.

2. Listen to understand… not to respond. Set your own ideas and experiences aside. If you are listening, remember you are trying to learn and understand. If you want to keep track of ideas you have or questions you want to ask, keep a pad of paper with you (not an iPad that may ding or light up from an incoming message), and write down 2 words that will remind you what you wanted to say after they are finished talking.

3. Truly care for the other person and what they are thinking, what they did and/or how they felt. Use into your empathy; imagine what it was like to be them… and be curious about that experience, but don’t get lost in your own mind.

4. To be a respectful listener and dig deeper by asking open ended questions. This means start your questions with words like ‘How’, ‘What’, ‘Where’, ‘Why’ or ‘How’. For example, “How did you feel?” and “What did you do next?” Do not use questions like “Were you happy?” and “Did you go?”

5. Listen with your eyes, ears, needs and feelings. Listen for what they are saying… and what they are not saying.

6. Similar to #2, if you have experienced something similar as what they are describing, put your experience aside. For now, you are trying to help them feel confident that you understand their experience.  Far too many times we try to compare our experiences with theirs.

If you listen to them they will be more likely to listen to you. And, as I suggested above, beyond learning, listening is one of the greatest ways that other people will trust that you:

• Care about them and their experiences

• Understand them and their experiences

When people trust you they will be more likely to:

• Be patient with you

• Compromise – now or sometime later

• Help you – now or sometime later

Conclusion:

When you are with other people talk as little as possible. Remember, if we are speaking we are not listening or learning.

These lessons are doubly important if you are in the position of having difficult conversations. During those times, letting the other person feel that they have been heard and understand will go a long way to helping you resolve the situation in a respectful, thoughtful, collaborative way.

Thank you for reading my article about why listening is important and how to listen well.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Corporate trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) delivers customized Email Etiquette training in Toronto and across Canada. We specialize in Leadership, Communication and other soft skills training solutions.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.